Okay, so I'm about to write another bar review and I don't have pictures of the place and I decide to browse the internet for pictures. Yes, I find before and after pictures of the place (the bar was recently renovated and that was going to be the theme of my review). But I notice, damn, there are a shitload of bar reviews on the internet and some of them are pretty damn good. Then I notice the name of one of the reviewers and I'm thinking I know that dude and he drinks as much as me. Actually there's a funny story about that but I'll get to it later.

Okay, I'm reading all these blogs and newspaper reviews of bars and agreeing with some, disagreeing with others. There is always the debate as to what qualifies as a dive and then there is the debate regarding the different definitions of bars (dives, upscale, hotel, neighborhood, tourist trap, clip joint, etc.). My input into these debates is I'll get into them but only with peers. Don't start that conversation unless you've been to drinker college. That does not mean you have to be an alcoholic but you do need to put your time in and there should be more than a few regrets and drinking consequences.

Okay, you do need to be an alcoholic but you can be a functioning alchy or in "recovery".

Back on topic, what I see in these reviews are many novices or people who have lived in insular environments. You get your writer who has only been to frat house bars who judge the place by the quality of loose women and if the bartender will high-five you. Then you get your foodie bar drinker who ranks down the place if they don't have (insert micro-brewed beer of the day) on tap.

There is no sexism when it comes to bar reviews, hell, maybe my favorite bar reviewer of all time is a chick so if one makes the assumption that *she* won't like your favorite haunt because it smells, you are wrong. 

What I'm saying people is I don't go to your favorite vegan restaurant and review the place. You know why? Because I love meat!

Okay (fourth Okay, okay), my reviews are written from the point of view of a bar diver. I'm not chasing tail, I'm not looking for the cleanest lines and smoothest beer (although I do appreciate good beer), and I'm not looking for the best "mixoligist". I'm writing my blog posts as narratives and if I cannot tell a story about the damn place, I won't write about it.

Now back to that funny story about my peer drinker. For years he and I would drink at Mr. Bing's (see earlier blog post) and drunk debate and pound shots and have great times...but every time we met we were drunk. I don't mean buzzed or legally drunk or even "that dude is pretty drunk." I mean completely fucked up, like "I'll be right back, I gotta vomit." Then we'd pound more drinks.

We did that for a couple years. One afternoon we both show up at Bings about the same time and we're both like, "I know that dude." We're sitting next to each other ordering drinks and Bruce the bartender asks us if we want to do shots and we're both like, yeah, I guess. Then we both have that awkward moment when we put our hands out to introduce each other and we're both like, "I forget you name, I know we've drank here before but I forgot..." Bruce yelled something like, "you fucking motherfuckers, you fucking been drinking here together doing fucking shots for years, you fucking fuckheads!"

After some investigation we figured out that every time we had met before, we were too drunk to remember anything but blurred faces and out-of-context memories. We truly had never met while sober.

So we got drunk together for the first time and wiped out that awkward memory.