I was drinking at Vesuvio with a tourist and he and his wife asked me in drunken, slurred voices (at least that's the way I heard their voices), what do I recommend doing to get a feel for the real San Francisco? Of course, that was not the first time I heard that question and usually I tell them stuff like the Ferry Building on Thursday and Saturday, Coit Tower, Chinatown, the Presidio, the Great Highway, blah blah blah.

But that day I was very drunk already at the hour of 1 pm, so I let them know what I really thought. Following is a list of activities and sights that I recommend tourists see or do to get a feel of San Francisco. Nobody is every going to agree on this list and it's okay if you disagree or think I left something off it.

Before leaving for any event, you shall leave your phone(s) in your room. If you get into an emergency situation, yell for HELP and somebody might come to your aid. This is my list.

1. You must ride the 30 Stockton from Chinatown starting on Pacific & Stockton going toward South of Market. This trek shall give you the real feel for Muni and will toughen you up for your "vacation". You can get off at Union Square, that should be enough for you to get the idea. Side Note: as an extra, on the way back walk through the Stockton Tunnel if you're going back that way.
2. You must eat lunch at a table of a restaurant with a large window in the Tenderloin. Your table must be close to the front door and the restaurant must be below O'Farrell Street. When a homeless or crazy person sits next to you and the smell brings tears to your eyes, you must grin and bear it until all of your food is gone. You must get out of your taxi or bus at least two blocks from your destination. If you drive a rental car and park, you are stupid.
3. Bar crawl in the Castro without your camera. You must have at least 1 mixed drink at each bar and you must dance at least once in a bar or club. If you go as a couple it's okay to dance together but extra points if you dance with a third hard body or if you dance on a stage by yourself and make new friends. This activity may take up your whole day so best to start early.
4. Rent a bike from Blazing Saddles, Bay City Bike, Bike Rental San Francisco, or another bike rental business and ride around the city checking out spots. Don't be afraid of those hills and ride all around Golden Gate Park all the way to the Great Highway.
5. Get some Mexican food in the Mission and walk over to Dolores Park and eat and hang out/picnic. Ice cream or a sandwich are also fine; you want to do this on a sunny or warm day. If you're lucky, check to see if you're here during a movie night and check that out in the evening.
6. Go to a Giants game if it's baseball season and they're in town.
7. You must go to a transgender karaoke and listen to a hot-mess trannie sing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" during the late evening. Another similar ballad will qualify and it can be from a transsexual but it must be a poignant, inspiring version. I recommend Diva's or Aunt Charlies Lounge. AsiaSF will also qualify.
8. Hang out in Japantown reading magazines, shopping, get some pics taken at that little place. Maybe get some sushi? Later, walk over to the Kabuki Theater and check out a movie.
9. The little taco stand outside the DMV office on Divisadero. Eat.
10. Check out the Richmond restaurants on Clement. Walk over to the Abbey Tavern or 540 Club and have a few cold ones for me.
11. Walk. Walk the street of Nob Hill and SoMa and Ocean Avenue and Market Street and the Fillmore and West Portal and Van Ness and Noriega Street. Walk. San Francisco is a walking town.
12. Check out the Ramp in China Basin or Pier 23 or Zeitgeist any other place with an outdoor patio on a sunny day. Drink and enjoy life.
13. Most importantly, grab a News & Review or Guardian, grab some breakfast, and find out what's happening today and check it out. Even better, walk and let life take you to new adventures and don't be scared of the locals, most of them won't bite.