The corner of Jones and Ellis is infamous. There have been more than a few shootings at that corner, and many more shootings and violent crimes within screaming distance. On one corner stands a line of hungry people who are either homeless or $2 dollars away from shivering in the cold San Francisco air without a roof over their heads. They wait to be fed from a soup kitchen and for the most part the majority are well-behaved and friendly; they are simply human beings fighting demons of addiction or poor decision making or bad luck with no support group. And lets face it, some of them are just batshit crazy.

Across the street is Cinnabar, which is a combination of an Asian hostess bar and a cowboy bar from the old west but instead of cowboys you get groups of short Mexican or south Asian men. The bartenders are mainly Thai and it is a roomy bar with many tales of ill-repute. But today I'm not writing about that saloon, today I am talking about the bar across Jones, I'm talking about Jonell's Cocktail Lounge.

Fate led me here one hot afternoon in 2009. I was climbing Jones from Market on my way to god knows where in the tendernob, but I was beat and a foul sweatmeister. The open doors of ye establishment called me in and I felt the air-conditioning, that was also a key reason.

Like Mr. Bing's, Jonell's has a horseshoe bar and also like Bing's, the bar is of a no-bullshit, unpretentious nature. The bar patrons are TL locals and pimps and prostitutes - yep, I shit you not, pimps and prostitutes. Again, this is Jones and Ellis, this ain't no Marina tourist trap with blended foo foo cocktails and loud frat boys hi-fiving and yelling at the tv. This is the Tenderloin, right here, Jonell's is the TL.

Oh, and it also has Bonnie; Jonell's has Bonnie.

Now Jenny is the owner, lets not forget her. We all love Jenny and lets face it, it's much more challenging and stressful managing a business than working at it and that reflects on your work. Jenny will tell anyone, and I mean anyone who gets out-of-line to, "get the fuck out!" I don't care if you are President Obama or Paul Newman or Queen Elizabeth the First, if you go over the line, your ass is out. Of course, you can always come in the next day after you sober up.

But Bonnie, sweet Bonnie is my bartender. My new bartender now that Bruce has retired. First time I met Bonnie she spent 10 minutes explaining to me and another patron how her boobs aren't the same now that she's *ahem* middle-aged. She squeezed them together to demonstrate her assertion.

Bonnie loves Korean wine and wrestling and men with big cocks who know how to use them (she said this). She's a bit in-your-face and tough but again, this is Jones & Ellis and if you show any weakness, they will be on you like me on a cold bottle of  beer. For example, take the bathroom. For a true dive bar, it ain't that bad. In fact, it's pretty damn good. It's unisex and has one standing urinal and one sit down toilet. The door locks and you need the key to get in. The key is attached to a big piece of oak wood. This means if one is homeless or if one is far from home and one needs to do a Number #2, this is the place to go. It's cleaner and more secure than any other bar or restaurant bathroom in a half-mile radius. Jenny and Bonnie know this fact and they watch that bathroom like hawks on a telephone line. Why? Because this is Jones & Ellis and motherfuckers will shoot up, do tricks, and god-knows-what-else in there if you don't watch them.

When drinking at Jonell's, I recommend facing the door. You don't want a hustler creeping in on you like a submarine on a battleship. I recommend being respectful to the pimps and hustlers. Think of Jonell's as a safe haven where the player and the mark can break bread and drink as equals but if the mark gets mouthy, well, this is Jones & Ellis and you have to walk out those doors.

Last year I was drinking away, back to the door, because the place was filled with working girls celebrating one of theirs birthday. I was buying shots for the girls and got a free OTPHJ and Al Green blasted from the jukebox and Bonnie was cussing up a storm and outside police sirens screamed and the hustlers hustled and the homeless waited anxiously for food and the lights turned on in the City.

Gil S. from Yelp eloquently wrote in his review of Jonell's: "There's serious magic on.  First, it's real.  But that's just front door.  They sit on photon cosmic dark anomaly.  However bright out, doors open sunbeam, serengetti gamma ray beams of reality, a calm void blankets their most cave beyond any explanation of cold photon physics.  It's a black hole of perception.  All with many moneke nekkos (sushi bar arm cats)."

I've met Gil before and we interacted on Yelp, so I hope he approves of me using his words. I hope you visit Jenny, Bonnie, and the other girls, just stay away from my Mongolian infatuation. You'll know when you meet her.